Denial is a warm blanket is it not?
I should know, I've spent most of my adult life wrapped up in it - at least when it came to my weight and my food choices. I was always a more developed girl- I got curves and boobs at a young age and I spent my teen years teetering awkwardly between being voluptuous and being just a touch chunky. I really started putting on weight in my last few years of college- when I started dating my hubby and I got too comfy. For the most part even at my heaviest I felt pretty fab about myself- I still won't tell you I was ever anything but awesome- even if I was too heavy- but maybe that's where the denial sunk in.
I snuggled up in denial when I saw unflattering pictures of myself- I blamed the "apparent" extra weight on bad angles or a poor outfit choice. My clothes seemed to be fitting snugger because my boyfriend, turned fiance, now husband dried them too hot and they shrunk - never mind the fact that in the stores the size I was trying on was getting larger and larger- after all everybody knows that the media is causing the retail world to size gauge on us realistic gals.
And on and on it went. Denial was comfortable and I was happy in it.
That is until September 2009 when I went to the Dr. for a check up and I was confronted head on with the number on the scale- a number that I refused to check at home- after all- its just a number right? The nurse told me mine and I had to do a double take- say what?!?!
She told me again, "Your weight is 199 lbs"- 199 lbs. at 5'3....yikes!
I swallowed this news down hard and later washed it down with a cherry limeaid and some equally fattening meal from Sonic. Suprsingly though, I didn't get upset- it sucked, I didn't like it but instead of spiriling and hating myself I adopted the attitude of, "that's just not acceptible and that is absolutely going to change. I didn't really do anything at first- bought a hot pink sports bra and the 30 day shred and jumped on the Jillian Michaels bandwagon- which I hated- let me tell you - but I huffed and puffed along side her - not everyday and not for 30 days (that shiz got boring!) but it was in my brain- swirling around, forming a real plan.
The real plan sprang into action in January- not on the 1st and not as a New Years Resolution, I don't even think it was on a Monday (gasp!) but I made the decision to make some lifestyle changes (NOT DIET) and see what results I came away with. I cut out full fat dairy and switched to low fat or fat free. I stopped drinking milk and switched to soy. I cut out most red meat - or at least- the frequency of red meat - baby still loves a juicy steak from time to time- and I subbed in ground turkey, tuna, salmon, or (gasp) actually had a meatless meal! I upped my dietary fiber a gajillion fold, lowered my fat intake and started exercising on a more regular basis- about three times a week- sometimes more, sometimes less- and NOT ONCE in a gym- I rocked the Biggest Loser Bootcamp and when it was nice enough I walked.
While I did these things- I made myself stay off the scale- this wasn't about weight loss (per say) it was about being healthy and I didn't want to get discouraged by not seeing a number on a scale move as fast as my mind thought it should. None the less- I received plenty of validation that what I was doing was working - I kept hearing, "have you lost weight?" and "you look great" so I plucked along. Finally sometime in February I stepped on the scale and discovered I had lost almost 20 lbs since my wake up moment in September!
I was convinced that the choices I made in my life were the right ones and I was hooked on maintaining them!
It has now been 7 months since I decided to make these changes to my life and I'm down from 199 to 152 lbs - and counting!
I feel great and not to toot my own horn - but I think I look pretty great too! (toot toot!)
So why you ask, am I just now beginning a blog about my weight loss when it seems as though I'm nearing the home stretch?
The answer is simple- because there really is no home stretch- healthy living is now a part of who I am and I think its important to share and learn from those who have been there before me. I'm not flawless and I'm not unrealistic- sometimes I drink too much and eat the Grand Slam breakfast at Wafflehouse at 3 in the AM- sometimes I still nosh on deep dish pizza with my hubby on the couch watching trashy TV - but I've come to learn its about moderation and forgiveness- not beating myself up over my not-so-great choices - I'm not always so great about that but at the very least I've learned that one bad eating day does not give me liberty to stuff my face every day there after- the denial wrapped me totally would have!
In my regular blog: A Blonde Bride and Her Boo I touch on my weight loss occasionally (today's post for instance) but in Life is Yummy I plan to share my food journal, recipes, exercises, successes- and (hopefully not too many) failures.
I also intend for this to be a place for me to honestly reflect on my past and gradually shred that denial to the point where its no longer an option for me to get cozy in it again. I am hoping to connect with other like minded ladies and men who can offer insight and advice as we continue down this path- together!
For now, I leave you- but I'm looking forward to sharing my story with you!
Much Love Always
Amber Lane
